The Thrill of Uncertainty

One of my favorite quotes of all time comes from Chris McCandless in John Krakauer's Into the Wild. It goes like this, "The very basic core of a man's living spirit is his passion for adventure. The joy of life comes from our encounters with new experiences and hence, there is no greater joy than having an endlessly changing horizon. For each day to have a new and different sun." I absolutely love this quote. I know that a lot of my joy comes from the unknown as well as my new experiences. I find such peace in not knowing exactly what's next. If I could compare this feeling to something it would be like when you're on a tropical vacation, sipping on your third fruity drink on the beach, and not having any obligations or responsibilities in the immediate future that you have to worry about. Now put that on a larger scale- that's kinda how I view life *right now* to a certain degree. Yes, I have my responsibilities and dreams and passions and things that I want to accomplish, but I don't know exactly how or when I'm going to do it all yet. And I am very okay with that. I know when that time comes, I will be ready for it and I'll tackle it- just like I've tackled everything else so far.

Right now, there's a thrill that I get from this uncertainty. Rather than having a little anxiety about the future, or worrying about what is going to come next, I'm simply curious... and a little excited. Going through life always knowing what the next "step" is or what the next "move" will be just doesn't seem very appealing to me. I don't want to worry about hitting that quota or making these numbers balance or writing a report on whatever. Not yet anyway. Some folks do want that, and it's understandable. It's a very safe and comfortable life to live. It offers all the things you need to survive: income, shelter, food, safety/security, the basics. Some people are very happy with this lifestyle. I just want more. When it comes to living, not just existing and paying bills until I'm dead, really living- I want to grab the bull by the horns and experience the whole damn thing. I wanna live baby. The highs, the lows (that make the highs worth it) and everything in between; give it to me.

Now is the best time to really go out and do it all I think. I'm old enough to look back and laugh at my mistakes, and I'm young enough to look at the future and like what I see. Right now, instead of settling in to a "big boy job" it's about chasing thrills, it's about tasting life and seeing what it has to offer. It's about living passionately and being the least watered-down version of myself. It just so happens that right now it comes in the form of moving across the country during a pandemic (too much uncertainty?) to live with someone I've never met, work with people I've never seen, and do something that I've never done. And I'm loving every second of it.


#JKL